The Troubled Diva Old Curiosity Box – Item 7.
Linda Lewis - Old Smokey (1972) (3.00mb)

I unearthed this little gem on 7" while sorting through the final remnants of James Hamilton's record collection. A delightfully breezy slice of Joni-esque acoustic soul.

Update: Sorry - you weren't quick enough. These MP3s are no longer on my server. I generally make them available for a week or so (sometimes less) before substituting them for new ones. Better luck next time!

If this sort of thing floats your boat, then I strongly recommend that you investigate the recent compilation Make Music: Folk Funk Flavours and Ambient Soul. For me, this CD was a revelation, defining a genre of which I hadn't previously been aware - and it's not often that I can say that any more.

Portakabin Diary – Week One.

Was it just my exhausted self-pity kicking in on the first night, or was Jessica Stevenson a bit of a disappointment on Room 101? Such a fresh, original, subtle comic actress ( The Royle Family, Spaced and especially Bob & Rose), but as herself, surprisingly conventional and humourless, I thought.

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In my hotel room, a slightly dog-eared copy of FHM. I settle on the bed and start flicking. When I get to the double page Calvin Klein advert – the one with Travis Fimmel in his bulging underwear – I realise that the pages in question are stuck together at the top. Yes, stuck together just like that. Eurgh! Nasty shock!

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When travelling away on business, always remember to pack a shaver. Especially if you are going to be away for most of the week. Especially if you are working somewhere with no access to the shops. Especially if you have never had a wet shave in your life and have no intention of starting now. Especially if the prospect of three days’ growth horrifies you.

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If you do forget to pack your shaver, then try and ensure that this happens while you are staying at the County Thistle Hotel in Newcastle. This is a place where a member of the reception staff will happily volunteer to make a special journey out to Comet at the end of her shift, to pick up a new shaver on your behalf. The member of staff in question – who deserves to be not just Employee Of The Month, but Employee Of The Millennium – likes to drink Jacob’s Creek Shiraz, if you are thinking of rewarding her for her efforts.

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They do these things so well, don’t they? Nice hat, Liz!

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Eleven hour working days, with no breaks and only 20 minutes for lunch, are considered the norm in certain wind-lashed portakabins. To do less is to mark yourself out as a skiver. For a workshy fop who is being forced out of his comfort zone, this can come as something of a shock to the system. It could also be interpreted as karmic justice for several months of idle weblogging.

Whoop! Whoop! Incomprehensible weblogging in-joke alert!
And lest anyone should think otherwise: the following piece is intended as the sincerest form of flattery.

swankybog   Inside London's toilets   - so you don't have to be

My Top 3 Albums of the 1990s.

1. Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us - Undercover

Cover versions are fantastic. So you think they’re music’s lowest common denominator, right? Wrong.

Sure, I used to be a snob about cover versions. You wouldn’t catch me within a million miles of the dancefloor when they came on, no sir. But then, one magical Sunday afternoon in the Royal Vauxhall Tavern (with Dave, David, Davy, Davey, Davo, Dava, Davi and Devo) it suddenly all made glorious, perfect sense. As one, we all flung our arms in the air (“Never Let Her Slip Away!”), then spun round the floor in a mass group hug (“Baker Street!”), as Andy Almighty weaved his unique magic on the decks. The sweat of our bodies mingled with spilt Red Stripe and stale poppers, as I realised I was in the greatest place ever in the history of mankind.

Cover versions are fantastic.

2. Beverley Craven – Beverley Craven.

Beverley Craven is a stratospheric talent. Criminally overlooked by today’s shallow tastemakers, she sings songs of love, loss, laughter, tears, heartache and redemption. Who could listen to “Promise Me” or “Holding On” and not feel a tingle, a shiver, a frisson of true greatness? Beverley Craven is a stratospheric talent.

3. Infinity – Guru Josh.

Guru Josh is a genius. Eleven impeccably crafted slices of visionary dancefloor heaven. 1990s – time for the guru! Guru Josh is a genius.

With all due apologies to David at Swish Cottage (who only has himself to blame!)

Googlebombing works! I am currently #1 on Google for a phrase which I have never used on this site, thanks to a number of other webloggers who have linked to me using this phrase.

P.S. In fact - as of now, before the Google servers change their minds in that sweetly unpredictable way they have - all of our massed Googlebombing has worked. Result!

Once again, that wind-lashed Portakabin in the middle of a car park in the industrial North East is summoning me, siren like, into its clutches. So I won't have web access again until Thursday night at the very earliest. Same thing next week. Same thing the week after. Same thing the week after that (except I'll be in Amsterdam that time). "Intensive system testing", they're calling it. Plenty of evening work anticipated. Work, eat, sleep, in other words. So when I do return, I am unlikely to have anything very blogworthy to say for myself. Exhausted self-pity not being particularly blogworthy in its own right.

If you're left wondering how to fill the massive chasm in your life that my protacted periods of absence will undoubtedly cause, then I have the following suggestions.

1. Buy the new Cornershop album. It's the groovy eclectic fun-filled sound of the summer! This is one of those albums to play non-stop for 6 months, then almost never again.

2. Buy "Lazy", the new single from X-Press 2 featuring David Byrne. You know how every year, there are 3 or 4 dance singles which are so good that they even appeal to people who don't like dance music? Well, this is one such example. A classic already, and it was only released this morning. The Norman Cook remix is great as well.

Well, I shall miss being here, and I shall miss all of you. See you soon. A bientot. Bis bald. [Runs tearfully towards the wings.]

A while ago, I signed up for the Peer To Peer Review Project. This requires every participant to review somebody else’s blog, with a full digest of reviews eventually being posted on the main site. What follows is my review of the blog which I was assigned: GIANTcockroach.

The author of GIANTcockroach, Luke Phillips, freely admits that “GIANTcockroach is only here because of my vanity, boredom and isolation.” Such rare honesty can only be commended. “I’m just a voice crying in the wilderness”, he continues, “like John the Baptist but bitchier (and with a little more sartorial flare).” As mission statements go, this is up there with the best of them.

GC is a straightforwardly presented collection of essays on a variety of themes. The design is standard Blogger template – one of the more uncluttered flavours, which suits the material well. There are no pictures, no sidebar links, indeed virtually no links at all. If you come to GC, then you come for Luke’s writing alone.

Luke is a student at Indiana University, with some strongly held views about the world. Looking carefully through his writing, and checking his links, I think it would be fair to align him with the “libertarian” school of thought. He scorns multi-culturalism and post-modernism, while being vehemently pro-choice. His views are expressed forcefully and eloquently – this is a young man with an impressive grasp of language, although sometimes I feel the pieces have been somewhat flashily overwritten, and could make their points better with a terser, more economical writing style.

It’s tempting at this stage to engage head-on with the author’s views. As a died-in-the-wool wet liberal, I’m coming from an altogether different place than Mr. Philips. However, I’m here to review his blog, not his mind; besides which, I’m far too shallow for such a task. So let me maintain my objectivity as best as I am able.

The standout piece for me on GC is Luke’s robust defence of abortion as a morally justifiable choice. It is passionate yet considered, provocative yet clearly reasoned – and gave me much food for thought. His attack on post-modernism went a little over my head – although I tried, I really tried. Here’s a flavour: “(Post-modernists) combine and recombine their magic words searching for the right alchemical formula to turn idealistic lead into utopian gold.” Er, yeah, whatever.

The weakest pieces on GC are a lengthy attempt to claim Oliver Stone’s “Wall Street” as a masterpiece of ”camp” (the libertarian Philips stubbornly attempting to recast Gordon Gekko as Oliver Stone’s true ideological hero, against all evidence to the contrary), and an unnecessarily cruel, mocking review of another blog (undertaken as part of the Peer to Peer review project).

Luke Philips is a talented, engaging writer who could go far. He has an appealing (if occasionally savage) wit, which I’d like to see more of. As a blogger, I’d like to see him loosen up a bit: a few more shorter, less self-consciously “important” pieces wouldn’t go amiss. He also needs to post more often, if he is serious about attracting and retaining a readership (there are some very lengthy gaps on GC). Cautiously recommended. Will I be returning? Yes, occasionally I might do just that.

The Troubled Diva Old Curiosity Box – Item 6.
Ultramarine featuring David McAlmont - Hymn (1996) (6.12mb)

A marriage made in heaven, if ever there was one. Ultramarine were one of the first of the "intelligent techno" brigade, whose 1991 debut "Every Man And Woman Is A Star" is an underrated classic. David McAlmont is a fine singer whose talent has been criminally mucked around with over the years by clueless record labels. Together, they covered one of my favourite Kevin Ayers songs, which first appeared (as a duet with Robert Wyatt) on his 1973 "Bananamour" album.

When I first heard about the impending release of this single in Autumn 1995, I could scarcely contain my excitement. McAlmont and Butler had just had two big hits (Yes; You Do), and it looked as if McAlmont was finally on the brink of stardom. So how could this fail? It would also mean a long overdue chart debut for an Ayers composition - something which I had always dreamed of happening.

However, the single's release date was then put back, over and over again - presumably under pressure from McAlmont's main label (Hut), who thought it might interfere with their "artist development strategy" (or detract from sales for the McAlmont & Butler releases). Eventually, it limped into the shops in April 96, six months late, with no promotion and a whole slew of unnecessary remixes. The single entered at number 65, and dropped out the following week. To the best of my knowledge, the track has never appeared on any subsequent album. Instead, it has been completely buried and forgotten about. Thereafter, both McAlmont's and Ultramarine's careers went into steep commercial decline.

This single deserved much, much better - but then, I might be biased. See what you think.

Update: Sorry - you weren't quick enough. These MP3s are no longer on my server. I generally make them available for a week or so (sometimes less) before substituting them for new ones. Better luck next time!