troubled diva

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Saturday, December 07, 2002

The Shirt Off My Back Project - Day 61.

Yves Saint Laurent, reduced to clear in Allders, Spring 99 - I think I picked it up for about 15 quid or so.

Adrian - much as we love the simple and elegant re-design, it is not to be. You are now...Off The Project. I bid you farewell.

~~Adrian - December 6~~ · Martijn - December 7 · Todd - December 8 · Asta - December 13
Hedgerow - December 17 · Gert - December 25 · Richard - December 28 · Terreus - Dec 31
Ian - January 9 · Feather Boa - January 17 · Martin - January 25 · Vaughan - February 29

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Friday, December 06, 2002

The Shirt Off My Back Project - Day 60.

"Tough love" from my beloved yesterday on the camera angles - but you know what? I've grown accustomed to this face.

I had forgotten all about this one, which is (despite what I said before) the very first Banana Republic shirt I ever bought (New York, Autumn 1991). It's the nearest thing to a denim shirt left in my collection, the others having long since bitten the dust. For a cheap 'n cheerful buy, it has lasted remarkably well.

Do you have any shirts - or indeed any other garments - which you're still wearing after more than a decade?

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Decent Proposal.

I heard the news today. Oh boy.

As K reached the top of the stairs to the bedroom, I flung myself down on my knees before him, seized his hand, and adopted my most histrionic voice.

"Darling! Will you register your Same Sex Partnership with me?"

"Yes!"

"Oh! You've made me the happiest man alive!"

And then we both giggled a bit, and he went for a wash, and I went for a shave.

So that's that, then. Who'd have thought it?

We've come a long way.

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Thursday, December 05, 2002

K speaks!

Darling,

If you are going to publish to the world, you really must think about those camera angles. I saw your image this evening in the "thick, soft and comfortable" number. What can I say, that face looked like it had been too comfortable for far too long. The distance between your ears is greater than that between chin and hair line - a perspective I've never seen in 17 years (despite inevitable recession of the latter). People of our age should NEVER allow a camera to point upwards. If you must continue with this project, then please let me help with the images. At the moment, my only solace is that I'm known to the world as "K".

Love and hope,

K

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Big Art Day - the final shortlist.

Thanks to everyone who left recommendations. I've now managed to whittle things down to a short list of...er...ten, which I'll list in approximate order of preference.

1. Anish Kapoor / Barnett Newman / Eva Hesse at Tate Modern.
The giant Kapoor installation is an absolute must, and the main reason for coming down. I've never quite "got" Barnett Newman - all those mysterious vertical stripes - but his Stations Of The Cross series made a definite impact, when I saw it in the big modern art museum in Washington DC. Eva Hesse sounds intriguing (thanks Todd), and potentially Our Sort Of Thing.

2. Sphere at Sir John Soane's Museum.
Not listed in Time Out, so many thanks to Jaq for pointing this out. A strong line-up in this exhibition (Damien Hirst, Anish Kapoor, Marc Quinn, Sam Taylor-Wood, Mark Wallinger, Rachel Whiteread etc.) makes this the other Must See of the day.

3. Jake & Dinos Chapman at White Cube.
David's description got me very interested in this one - plus I've not been up Hoxton way since the old days of the London Apprentice. (I do believe the area has rather gone up in the world since then...)

This would also give us the chance to nip up to Flowers East, for the Tai-Shan Schierenberg exhibition - love his portraits, and would like to see more.

4. Gunther von Hagens' Bodyworlds, Brick Lane.
Because it's there. And because K's background is in biomedical research. And because I'd like to test the levels of my squeamishmness. And because it will make a good conversational item at dinner parties.

5. Douglas Gordon at the Hayward Gallery.
Dark, disturbing, dramatic? I am intrigued.

6. The Aztecs at the Royal Academy.
Has to be seen - but maybe not tomorrow. After Tate Modern and Sphere, this huge exhibition might be too much to digest in the same day.

7. Takashi Murakami at the Serpentine Gallery.
We saw an exhibition of his in Boston last year, and absolutely loved it. Also a good excuse for a nice stroll through the park.

8. Rapture (Art's Seduction by Fashion since 1970) / Lachapelle at the Barbican Centre.
Lachapelle's stylised A-list celeb pix sound shallow, but not devoid of interest. Rapture sounds right up our street, though. Pity about the soul-destroying venue, though. Hate that place.

9. The Turner Prize shortlist at Tate Britain.
Simply because we used to visit this religiously every year. Except that we don't anymore. And this year's finalists do look like a dismal, half-baked bunch. But I would like to make up my mind for myself.

10. Field For The British Isles (Antony Gormley) at the British Museum.
We saw this (and loved it) at the Hayward about 6 years ago, but I'd love to see it again. Plus our mate runs the restaurant in the Great Court (which K has yet to see), and we could meet him for lunch.

Oh dear. Something's got to give. I think we'll just start with Tate Modern and the Sir John Soane, and play it by ear from then on.

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The Shirt Off My Back Project - Day 59.

Sirio.
Charcoal black.
Thick, soft, comfortable cotton.
Ten years old, but still gets worn from time to time. An old favourite.
And as you can see, I'm positively radiating contentment...

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Wednesday, December 04, 2002

The Shirt Off My Back Project - Day 58.

On two sartorial points, my dear late stepmother and I were always in agreement. Firstly: there's nothing wrong with flashing a bit of cleavage, if the occasion demands (or even if it doesn't). Secondly: short sleeved shirts were the Devil's Work. As she always pointed out: long sleeved shirts with the sleeves rolled up looked perfectly fine, but shirts with deliberately designed short sleeves were just...Naff. Ugh.

Thus it was that I greeted the Great Resurgence Of The Short Sleeved Shirt (circa spring 1997) with considerable alarm. I couldn't possibly wear these things, could I? No, I most certainly could not. Especially not with my skinny upper arms, whose skinniness was only empahasised by the flapping capaciousness of the short sleeves.

This made clothes shopping a markedly more frustrating experience. Seemingly every time that I saw a shirt I liked, closer examination would reveal yet another pair of accursed short sleeves. A war of attrition was developing between the fashion industry and me.

In Spring 1999, I finally cracked. The garment you see above (Saint Laurent Jeans, since you ask) was the very first short sleeved shirt to enter my wardrobe. I had to admit that it did look rather snappy. In particular, the sleeves were just the right width - not too narrow, not too flappy. Because at the end of the day, it's all about sleeve width.

In the light of this breakthrough, many more short sleeves were to follow. Many, many more.

Farrago, your time has come. Happy as I would have been to bestow Cape Town with the Gift Of Fashion, it is not to be. Farrago, you are now...Off The Project. Totsiens!

~~Peter - November 27~~ · ~~Sarah - November 28~~ · ~~Des - December 3~~ · ~~Farrago - December 4~~
Adrian - December 6 · Martijn - December 7 · Todd - December 8 · Asta - December 13
Hedgerow - December 17 · Gert - December 25 · Richard - December 28 · Terreus - Dec 31
Ian - January 9 · Feather Boa - January 17 · Martin - January 25 · Vaughan - February 29

Adrian, stand by. You now have two chances: tomorrow and Friday. Or will you be leaving the Project empty-handed on Saturday? Time alone will tell.

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Bum note.

Robbie Williams, whose new single seems unlikely to go in at #1 this week (beaten by both Eminem and - ha ha! - The Cheeky Girls), has managed to gather some much needed extra publicity by unveiling his new tattoo: the musical score of the chorus of All You Need Is Love, symbollically placed just above his bum crack.

Which is a bit pointless, as the words "all you need is love" are all sung on the same note.

Except that on Robbie's version, the tatooist has added a redundant extra G at the beginning, which isn't actually part of the tune.

Is this on a par with Beckham's misspelt "Victoriah" Sanskrit tattoo?

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Busy.

Busy today and tomorrow, and K & I will be Doing Art in London on Friday. So - shirts aside, of course - postings will be thin on the ground for the next few days.

In the meantime, enjoy the MP3s. Yes, I know that 11 MP3s is a tad excessive, but I couldn't decide which ones to omit. However, if you only download one of them, then my top recommendation goes to Big Hard Excellent Fish. It's as miserable as sin, but gloriously so. And I've now transcribed the lyrics, which are here.

As I've just said, we'll be in London for the day on Friday, with the sole purpose of ramming as much visual art down our necks as possible. So are there any current exhibitions which we absolutely should not miss? Please advise.

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Tuesday, December 03, 2002

The Troubled Diva Old Curiosity Box (68 to 78) - The List Songs.

Here - for a strictly limited period only - are 11 of the more interesting List Songs (see below). Grab 'em while you can.

Item 68. Max Wall - England's Glory (1977) (lyrics)
Penned by Ian Dury, this was an early release on Stiff Records. There's a nicely potty music hall vibe to this, with its musty old post-war cultural references ("Winkles, Woodbines, Walnut Whips, Vera Lynn and Stafford Cripps.")

Item 69. Lemon Jelly - Ramblin' Man (2002) (buy the album)
An eclectic travelogue, teken from their outstanding new Lost Horizons album (which I cannot recommend too highly).

Item 70. Big Hard Excellent Fish - Imperfect List (1990) (lyrics)
Composed by Pete Wylie, this early Andrew Weatherall production was (if I remember correctly) used as the soundtrack to a dance piece by Michael Clark. A litany of shite, which gets steadily more depressing as the track progresses.

Item 71. A House - Endless Art (1992) (lyrics)
A list of famous dead people, all of whom happen to be male. Track 3 on the CD single is therefore...
Item 72. A House - More Endless Art (1992)
...in which all the famous dead people are female.

Item 73. Chicks On Speed - For All The Boys In The World (2000) (buy the album)
You've never heard Chicks On Speed before? Really? Well, this is as good a place to start as any.

Item 74. Minty - That's Nice (1996)
"God is dead - that's nice! Sunglasses worn on head - that's nice!"
Back in spring 1996, I used this quote on my sig file, back when putting quotes on sig files was still considered quite a hip thing to do. Providing you had remembered to make the first line a pair of hyphens, of course. What do you mean, you've never heard of sig files? Ah, the old days...

Item 75. Soft Machine - Pataphysical Introduction/A Concise British Alphabet Part 1 (1969)
(buy the album)
As the title suggests, this is very short...
Item 76. Soft Machine - A Concise British Alphabet Part 2 (1969)
...and this is even shorter.

Item 77. Scritti Politti - Lions After Slumber (1981) (lyrics) (buy the album)
Originally the B-side to The "Sweetest Girl", which is where I've burnt the MP3 from. This eventually wound up on the Songs To Remember album.

Item 78. Patti Smith - Spell (live in Portland) (2001) (lyrics) (buy the album)
Based on Allen Ginsberg's poem Howl, this is taken from Patti's recent double retrospective set, Land.

Update: Sorry - you weren't quick enough. These MP3s are no longer on my server. I generally make them available for a week or so (sometimes less) before substituting them for new ones. Better luck next time!

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Greatest Gay Britons - voting is open.

The first round of voting has now opened for Peter's Greatest Gay Britons poll. Take a look at the shortlist (a misnomer if ever there was one - it's HUGE), check up to 20 names, and submit your voting form online.

To see who I'm voting for, run your cursor/mouse over the following white-on-white text.

Francis Bacon (painter not playwright). Edward Carpenter. Quentin Crisp. E.M. Forster. Stephen Fry. Julia Grant. David Hockney. Christopher Isherwood. Richard Kirker. Angela Mason. Ian McKellen. George Michael. Morrissey. Joe Orton. Tom Robinson. Dusty Springfield. Peter Tatchell. Alan Turing. Oscar Wilde. Kenneth Williams.

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The Shirt Off My Back Project - Day 57.

It's yellow.
It's very yellow.

In fact, it is quite obscenely lurid in its sheer, wanton yellowness. Believe me, this photo simply does not do justice to just how yellow this shirt is. Think turmeric flavoured custard, and you'll be halfway there.

A seasonal garment, shall we say. As such, I can only really get away with wearing it on the hottest and sunniest days of the year. Another pre-holiday impulse buy, perchance? Oh, how well you have come to know me.

Tell you what. Let's spice things up with an unscheduled extra competition. The first person to correctly guess the label in this shirt...(drum roll)...WINS IT!

Yes, you heard. Only one guess allowed per person. Go on - make full use of all that fashion knowledge which has doubtless accrued during the past 57 days. You're all experts now.

Update: We have a winner. Check the comments for details.

Des, I'm afraid that's a bit of a giveaway. Normally, you wouldn't have found out until tomorrow. Nevertheless, you still have as much chance as anybody else of winning this fine garment. I hope this takes at least some of the sting out of being...Off The Project.

~~Peter - November 27~~ · ~~Sarah - November 28~~ · ~~Des - December 3~~ · Farrago - December 4
Adrian - December 6 · Martijn - December 7 · Todd - December 8 · Asta - December 13
Hedgerow - December 17 · Gert - December 25 · Richard - December 28 · Terreus - Dec 31
Ian - January 9 · Feather Boa - January 17 · Martin - January 25 · Vaughan - February 29

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Monday, December 02, 2002

Songs which contain lists.

This is what we've got so far. Many thanks to all who have left comments. Any more suggestions?

Note: Click on the song titles to read the lyrics. Wherever possible, I've tried to use links that don't generate pop-up ads, but with only partial success.

12 Reasons Why I Love Her - My Life Story (what it says on the tin)
88 Lines About 44 Women - The Nails (44 women)
A Concise British Alphabet - Soft Machine (letters of the alphabet)
Ain't Got No...I Got Life - Nina Simone (things which Nina ain't got)
All Kinds Of Everything - Dana (nice things)
All Of This And Nothing - Psychedelic Furs (things which his girlfriend left behind)
Archives Of Pain - Manic Street Preachers (nasty people)
Avanti (10 Don'ts For Honeymooners) - The Monochrome Set (honeymoon do's & dont's)
Can U Dig It? - Pop Will Eat Itself (groovy things)
Chatterton - Serge Gainsbourg (historical figures who topped themselves)
Christmas Alphabet - The McGuire Sisters (self-explanatory)
Dance Stance - Dexys Midnight Runners (famous dead Irish people)
Delaware - Perry Como (states of the USA)
Elephant Talk - King Crimson (synonyms for "talk" starting with the letters A to E)
Endless Art - A House (famous dead people, with birth & death dates)
England's Glory - Max Wall (fine and noble English things)
Everybody Loves Soul Music - Freddie Scott (with Ellis Hooks) (soul singers)
For All The Boys In The World - Chicks On Speed (boys' names and phone numbers)
Freaky Tales - Too Short (depressing litany of sexual conquests)
Friday I'm In Love - The Cure (days of the week)
Friends - Adam & The Ants (famous friends of Adam)
Feel Good Hit Of The Summer - Queens Of The Stone Age (drugs)
Girl Of 100 Lists - The Go-Go's (things on a list)
Girls, Girls, Girls - Jay-Z (more depressing sexual conquests)
Girl VII - Saint Etienne (place names)
God - John Lennon (stuff that Lennon doesn't believe in)
Good Mother - Jann Arden (nice reassuring things)
Hello - The Beloved (lovely things)
His Indie World - Mary Lou Lord (icons of indie cool)
Hot Topic - Le Tigre (cool feminist icons)
Imperfect List - Big Hard Excellent Fish (horrid things)
Interlude - India Arie (soul singers)
I Remember It Well - Gigi (events on first date)
Ironic - Alanis Morissette (supposedly "ironic" situations...hmm...)
It's Grim Up North - Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu (places in the North of England)
It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - REM (surreal randomness)
I Wish - King Missile (wishes)
Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me) - Reunion (musical references)
Lions After Slumber - Scritti Politti (poetic randomness)
Lost Property - Divine Comedy (what it says on the tin)
Make You Feel That Way - Blackalicious (heart-warming happenings)
Memorabilia - Soft Cell (self-explanatory)
Muster - Cindytalk (spirits of famous dead people)
My Baby Just Cares For Me - Nina Simone (things which Nina's baby doesn't care for)
My Favourite Things - Julie Andrews (what it says on the tin)
My Life At The Movies - Tompaulin (screen actresses)
People Who Died - Jim Carroll (what it says on the tin)
Pollo Asado - Ween (food order)
Ramblin Man - Lemon Jelly (place names)
Reasons To Be Cheerful Part 3 - Ian Dury & The Blockheads (what it says on the tin)
Rock Around The Clock - Bill Haley & The Comets (hours of the day)
Rock Lobster - The B-52s (things of the sea)
She's Got Soul - Jamestown featuring Jocelyn Brown (soul singers)
Song For Whoever - The Beautiful South (girls' names)
Spell - Patti Smith (things that are holy)
Stairway To Cleveland - Jefferson Starship (matters of concern)
Subterranean Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan (Dylan-esque randomness)
Sweet Soul Music - Arthur Conley (soul singers)
Swimsuit Issue - Sonic Youth (girls' names)
Teachers - Daft Punk (musical inspirations)
That's Nice - Minty (nice things)
The Booklovers - Divine Comedy (authors)
The Elements - Tom Lehrer (elements in the periodic table)
These Foolish Things - Ella Fitzgerald, Bryan Ferry, Aaron Neville etc. (things which remind me of you)
The Teen Commandments - Paul Anka, Johnny Nash, George Hamilton IV (moral instructions for teenagers)
The Things That Dreams Are Made Of - Human League (what it says on the tin)
The Word Song - Syd Barrett (words)
Things To Do Today - Big Black (what it says on the tin)
Things You Left Behind - The Nails (what it says on the tin)
Useless Man - Minty (rude gay sexual things)
Waters Of March (�guas de Mar�o) - Tom Jobim, Cassandra Wilson (poetic, non-specific)
We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel (baby boomer political/cultural references)
Welcome - The Church (famous people)
We Love You - Psychedelic Furs (things which we love)
What Will Death Be Like? - Momus (things that death won't be like)
Where The Hell Is Bill? - Camper Van Beethoven (possible reasons for Bill's absence)

Note - I'm leaving out football songs, because most of them contain lists and there are too many of them.

Oh, and after all that...I've just found this discussion thread on I Love Music. Curses! I should have guessed!

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The Shirt Off My Back Project - Days 54 to 56.

Another triple-decker catch-up:

Saturday: Another pre-holiday impulse buy from a few years ago - from The Gap, I'm afraid. Hey, we were all young and naive once. This is an oversized Oxford cloth shirt (labelled "THE BIG OXFORD"), in an unpleasantly thick, hard, scratchy cotton. As such, it's not a patch on the imported 1960s Oxford button-downs which I used to buy from Wild Clothing in the Eighties, for that authentic US preppy look.

Sunday: I bought this DKNY shirt from Kendalls in Manchester with the prize money I had just won from appearing on the Channel 4 quiz show Number One. In fact, I blew all my winnings on DKNY clobber (shirt, jacket and trousers) within an hour of leaving the TV studios. Easy come, easy go...

Monday: Everyone needs at least one classic white business shirt, don't they? And this is mine. From Marks and Spencers, inevitably.

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