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rocktimists · shaggy blog stories · shared · twitter · village · you're not the only one Saturday, February 22, 2003
Which decade is Tops for Pops? (5/10)
It gets worse, I'm afraid.
Day 5 brings us the Number 6 singles for this week in the past five decades. And guess what? They're the biggest pile of old toss yet. Things can't sink any lower than this, can they? Can they? Let's open the trap doors and bring them on, then. Steel yourselves, people. This isn't going to be pretty. 1963: Loop-De-Loop - Frankie Vaughan. With this cheerily moronic pub singalong, Frankie Vaughan could rightfully claim to be the DJ Otzi of his day. At least Little Jimmy Osmond was too young to know better. 1973: Long Haired Lover From Liverpool - Little Jimmy Osmond. 1983: Gloria - Laura Branigan. 1993: Ordinary World - Duran Duran. 2003: Songbird - Oasis. Listen to a mercifully brief medley (only about a minute each, promise) of all five songs. Although - if I'm going to be strictly honest here - I did rather like Long Haired Lover From Liverpool in its day. Partly because I was still too young to care about Cool, partly because I could play the tune on my recorder, partly because Little Jimmy was the voice of my generation (kids in the charts - yippee!), and partly because I was always partial to a Novelty Hit back then. Novelty Hits said to me that anything could get in the charts. They kept things fresh, surprising and fun. One month, it would be Lieutenant Pigeon's Mouldy Old Dough, with a plump old dear bashing away at the Joanna. Another month, a bunch of bagpipers skirling through Amazing Grace, which I could also play on the recorder (and did, at great length, much to the annoyance of everyone around me). Or else it might be Benny Hill, bringing us Ernie's ghostly gold-tops, a-rattlin' in their crate, or Ray Stevens ("Don't Look, Ethel!") singing about coo gosh, naked people, in The Streak. I loved all that stuff. In which case, perhaps it wasn't too surprising that I was only 18 months away from getting into the full-on intergalactic whimsy that was Gong. Despite enjoying something of a commercial and critical renaissance last year (up to a point, at least), Oasis are back to scraping the barrel with this tossed-off-in-five-minutes-flat piece of inconsequential whimsy. Not much more than two minutes long, and yet after the first minute it's more or less all over bar the strumming. Lazy, complacent, pointless. Only a certain residual folksy charm saves it from the last two positions in my vote. Back in 1993, the once ubiquitous Duran Duran had long been consigned to the dumper, with two original band members gone and no Top Ten hits in the past four years. Ordinary World (and its follow-up, Come Undone) marked a brief and unexpected comeback for the group, much in the same way as Adam Ant had bafflingly resurfaced three years earlier with Room At The Top. The song is certainly not without merit, in particular its soaringly memorable chorus and some nice guitar figures towards the end. On the other hand, isn't it just a bit of a plodding dirge at heart? Which leaves a rather surprised looking Laura Branigan sitting at the top of my heap, by default rather than on account of any particular merit. Gloria was one of the first of those rather nasty rock-disco fusion records which briefly cluttered up the US charts in 83 and 84 - the most notable example being Michael Sembello's Maniac (a guilty pleasure of mine, as it happens). But the queens all loved it, of course. They - and I - went on to love Laura even more the following year, when she unleashed the absolutely fan-TAST-ic Self Control on the world ("I live among the creatures of the night!"). Compared to that, Gloria is as nothing. But at least it's got "a catchy tune and a good beat to it", as callers to Tony Blackburn's "National Pop Panel" used to say without fail, every single sodding weekday afternoon in the late 1970s. And for today, a catchy tune and a good beat is all you need to get yourself cinq points from moi. Pass the poppers, the chorus is coming up! My votes: 1 - Laura Branigan. 2 - Duran Duran. 3 - Oasis. 4 - Little Jimmy Osmond. 5 - Frankie Vaughan. K's votes are in the comments. Over to you. We haven't yet had a winner from the Eighties or the Sixties. I can't see Frankie Vaughan topping today's poll, but will Laura Branigan go all the way? Oo-er! Oh, and a quick reminder, as Chig thinks some of you might be cheating. Although to be fair, I don't think any of you are. Bastion of integrity, this place. Anyway, the reminder is this: please don't vote unless you actually have heard all the tracks in question, preferably via the medley MP3 of course. But you were doing that already, weren't you? Running totals so far - Number 6s. 1993: Ordinary World - Duran Duran. (92) They returned with an anthem. Real class. (David) Plush, polished, and the least bad. (Stereoboard) we must never forget what they did to "white lines". but this was a last flash of moody existential goodness (noodle) Pleasant enough. But, for me, Duran Duran were a band who made really ace videos. Can't recall the video for this one. Enough said. (Nigel R (the UK one)) Background music, but nice background music. (Junio) By far one of their worst, but still - anyone who takes their wife's surname... (Steve) 1983: Gloria - Laura Branigan. (89) the "i will survive" that doesn't conjure up images of battered fishwives doing karaoke and swigging hooch (noodle) Drunk girls' karaoke. Love it. (Su(zi)e) Ah, such happy memories of my first visits to American girl bars. One of the few dancefloor singalong songs that I don't hate. (Junio) To really appreciate this, children, you had to be there, in your tight pseudo-rent-boy ripped jeans, pirate bandana round your head, Liquid Gold up your nose, expertly dodging the moustachioed fan-dancers in Heaven on a Saturday night. Hi-NRG crossover classic with a pounding, relentless beat that demands you throw your arms up in the air. (Nigel R (the UK one)) Fabulous memories of the Powerhouse, where the slightly scary clones on poppers would dance to Funky Dunc playing Gloria on (I presume) two discs, making it seem to last about 15 minutes. (Chig) Got to confess I was addicted to Gloria. Totally and utterly. Almost certainly got it on a C90 somewhere in the mess. (Peter) You forgot the white t-shirt, long since ripped off, stuffed into your jeans, and gaily flailing from which ever side took your fancy. And why stick at Heaven when Fire Island was available? Liquid Gold was OK, but me I was always a Rush man. This project is worth it for Gloria alone! (Peter (again)) Vile, just vile, but still, the legwarmers must've been somewhat jolly. (Steve) 2003: Songbird - Oasis. (65) Don't Look Back In Anger not withstanding, I hate Oasis and their sneering, derivative, manipulative, soul-less music with every fibre of my being and will continue to do so while there remains life in my body. (Nigel R (the UK one)) there are now schoolboy oasis rip-off bands who are better at being oasis than oasis are (noodle) God, that's dull. (Su(zi)e) Surely they have enough money to retire? (Gert) 1973: Long Haired Lover From Liverpool - Little Jimmy Osmond. (44) Musically it's the pits. But after three Stellas in the company of non-judgmental mates, it’s actually quite fun, in a Music-Hall sort of way. (Nigel R (the UK one)) Apparently, I used to dance excitedly around the living-room to Jimmy Osmond's superb homage to hirsute people from Merseyside. I should add that I was two years old at the time. (Vaughan) Thank the gods that I've not heard this for a while. This used to be my brother's party piece. The shame. (Stereoboard) Hm, this is of course a vote for fond memories (as a 6 year old) over musical quality. When this song came out, I had a poster, sent off for from The Sun, of Little Jimmy on my bedroom wall. The photo was printed in 'purple & white'. The poster must have come from a relative or friend, because The Sun was certainly never allowed in our house. (Chig) Careful with that - it's pure concentrated evil. (Steve) 1963: Loop-De-Loop - Frankie Vaughan. (40) Mildly amusing piece of old toffee. But find me five Stellas and a grannie to boogie with, and, oh my, what jollies we'll have. (Nigel R (the UK one)) We used to play games to this in Reception. (Gert) Just sickening - quite glad I wasn't here for the sixties after hearing this. (Steve) Possibly the only record ever likely to appear lower than the Jimmy. I may sue for aural torture. (Stereoboard) Who knew there was such a thing as bad Frankie Vaughan? (Junio) ssssss...it burnsssss usssss, it burnssss usssss, take it offssssss.... (noodle) Have you deliberately chosen the worst week in the history of pop music??? (David) I'm becoming numbed by the whole process. In fact, I don't think I can feel my legs. I can't feel my legs. Who wants to feel my legs? (djg) Decade scores so far (after 4 days). 1. (2) The 1970s (15) -- Hai Karate! The Three Day Week! Farrah Fawcett-Majors! 2. (1) The 1980s (14) -- Acid house! Roland Rat! Michael Foot's donkey jacket! 3. (4) The 1960s (12) -- Christine Keeler! Apollo 11! I'm Backing Britain! 4 (3) The 1990s (10) -- The Mary Whitehouse Experience! Shoegazing! Sun dried tomatoes! 5 (5) The 2000s (9) -- Ironed hair! Ian Duncan Smith! All your base are belong to us! Labels: whichdecade03
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Friday, February 21, 2003
Which decade is Tops for Pops? (4/10)
"This may well be an exciting and historical musical experiment, but we've had fifteen songs so far and I can count the number of good ones on one finger."
A telling comment yesterday from djg, who I suspect might be speaking for a few of you. Maybe the real lesson to emerge from this project will be that the charts have always been full of crap. Or maybe not. Maybe all the solid gold classics are yet to come. Who can say? (Well, I can say. But I won't.) Day 4 then, which brings us the Number 7 singles for this week in the past five decades. Fingers at the ready, panel! 1963: Like I Do - Maureen Evans. So what do you reckon, then? My view: there are two Corkers, two Clunkers, and one which floats about somewhere in the middle.1973: Wishing Well - Free. 1983: Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes. 1993: Exterminate - Snap! 2003: If You're Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield. Listen to a short medley (about a minute each) of all five songs. Let's dispose of the Clunkers first, then. Snap! had already given the world a couple of fairly enjoyable commercial dance hits: The Power and Rhythm Is A Dancer. You might not have liked them, but you couldn't deny that they at least had a certain efficiency. In contrast, Exterminate runs out of ideas almost as soon as it has started. Thirty seconds in, and I was bored already. As for Cocker & Warnes: I can only hope that they were paid well for this sub-Christopher Cross drivel. Actually, it had never occurred to me before that anything could be fairly described as "sub-Christopher Cross", but that gruesome electric piano alone is almost enough to push me over the edge. The other tragedy of this record: Joe and Jennifer are both worth so much more than this. After all, this is the man who sang Delta Lady, and this is the woman who went on to produce that timelessly wonderful album of Leonard Cohen covers, Famous Blue Raincoat. It is only their residual vocal talent which lifts this effort one point ahead of Exterminate. What of Daniel Bedingfield, though? K detests this, and wasted no time in placing it last. As for me: most of my instincts are telling me it's drivel, and yet, and yet...there's something curiously beguiling about the melody, which has slowly sneaked up on me in the past few weeks. I don't hate it. It registers with me somewhere along the line. I'm not altogether sure this is a good thing. Let us now turn our mind to happier things. With Focus, Status Quo and now Free, February 1973 was clearly a great time for patched and be-denimmed Hairy Rock of the old school. Where did I put my army greatcoat? And where are my Permaprints posters, as ordered from the back of Sounds? (Note: readers under 40 probably have no idea what I'm on about here.) Anyway, Wishing Well still sounds as mighty as ever to these ears. It's a hirsute, beer-stained, faded blue lump of sheer unreconstructed testosterone, with dirty nails, split ends and the unmistakeable whiff of patchouli oil and Lebanese Black. Top of my pile, then. Finally, and in complete contrast: a forgotten gem from Maureen Evans, which I had never heard until now. Like yesterday's Mike Berry track before it, the subject matter of Like I Do is quite unmistakeably sexual: something which I hadn't expected to find in seemingly innocuous early Sixties Tin Pan Alley pop. On this tune, Maureen Evans deftly spins her web of sexual jealousy, accompanied by some deliciously mocking string counterpoints. I imagine her standing there, smiling oh-so-sweetly, her eyes narrowing in spite all the while. Anyhow, the message comes across loud and clear: Bet she's a crap shag. Serves you right for dumping me, you bastard. Oh yeah, and the melody. Does it sound familiar at all? Because K and I were singing along to it from the first line: "Hello Muddah. Hello Faddah. Here I am at Camp Grenada..." Again, you youngsters probably have no idea what I'm on about. My votes: 1 - Free. 2 - Maureen Evans. 3 - Daniel Bedingfield. 4 - Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes. 5 - Snap! As always, K's votes are in the comments box below. Over to you. We've now had winners from the 80s, 90s and 00s. Is it time for Maureen Evans to swing it for the 60s, or will Free bring it on home for the 70s? Use your votes wisely... Running totals so far - Number 7s. 1973: Wishing Well - Free. (118) Burnt into the party-pack consciousness of every spotty teenager from the Seventies. Only to be listened to after a minimum of five Snakebites, in the middle of a soggy dancefloor, when all the girls you had a crush on have turned you down and you really can't understand why, you idiot. (Nigel R (the UK one)) I can't believe I'm admitting I like this, but it's one of those tunes that's stuck with me. And it brings to mind the tabloid headlines about David Kosoff's pain at his rocker son David's drug addiction. (Junio) I haven't heard this for years and years. It hasn't aged well. Still I remember quite liking it. There's something mysterious and appealing about that wishing well. (Amanda) His voice sounds a bit like Colin Blunstone which I can't help but fall for. (Elisabeth) good song, pedestrian execution. i prefer gary moore's version (noodle) No, it's from that dreary dirgy rock genre that put me off pop music in the early 70s. (Gert) 1963: Like I Do - Maureen Evans. (90) First time I've heard this one, but already in my catalogue of you-dumped-me-you-snivelling-little-bastard-but-how-I'll-enjoy-making-you-pay songs. Sung so straight it ends up delicious with venom. (Nigel R (the UK one)) So brilliant to put those lyrics on that familiar melody - isn't it Ponchielli's "Dance of the Hours" (also featured in Disney's "Fantasia")? (Luca) "Dance of the Hours" makes me think of piano lessons. *shudder* (Su(zi)e) It's got that Doris Day 'Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps' feel to it; not as good though. (Amanda) Would have ranked higher except for the Camp Granada melody. (Asta) i used to love "camp granada" as played by ed stewpot stewart. it kind of detracts from this song's credibility. and the guitar sounds like hank bloody marvin. (noodle) 1983: Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes. (81) This is the sort of thing I usually loath. An overblown power ballad full of manipulative and fake emotion beloved by Hollywood where it's used so you can sit there with tears glistening in your eyes as the credits roll (An Officer And A Gentlemen, wasn't it?). It's the sort of territory that Celine Dion has made her own. However, I can't find it in my heart to hate this one, maybe it's the singing, maybe it's a well-constructed song, maybe it's just a better example of the genre. (Amanda) Over-orchestrating the schmaltz and syrup but alarmingly effective on Closet Softies like me. Surprisingly penned by 60s protester, Buffy Sainte-Marie, who also wrote Until It's Time For You To Go, and who, unlike Joe and Jen, always delivered her love lyrics in a refreshingly lo-cal way. (Nigel R (the UK one)) I don't want diss this one too much, since it was written by a Canadian (Buffy St. Marie), but I'm afraid it's quite, quite awful. A good ballad (like Daniel's) should make you feel sentimental. This, I guess, is meant to be "inspirational", but like Bette Midler's schlockfests, it suffocates under its syrupy Hallmark self. (Elisabeth) Will forever remind me of a brief stay in hospital, where the in-house radio station would play this over and over. (Alex M) My dislike of this track is proportional to the number of times I had to play it on the Request Show I used to host on hospital radio. Elton John's Sacrifice and that damn Lady in Red were the other two 'most-requested' week after week after week after.... (Gordon) When did producers decide to use such heavy reverb on the vocals while keeping the bed tracks so "close"? It's just irritating to me (production wise). Jennifer’s voice is lovely, Joe is capable of much better! (trev!) Such a waste of talent (Asta) Joe - you were at Woodstock. What were you thinking? (Stereoboard) I hasten to add that in any other list, Bedingfield would've been bottom, but I loathe Cocker/Warnes with a passion only beaten by the bile of a thousand demons. (Lyle) 2003: If You're Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield. (77) So this is what the young people are listening to today, is it? Although it’s nothing special, I surprised myself by liking both it and his plaintive whimpering, which, however, wouldn't have been out of place any time since the 80s.. Best listened to after five Smirnoff Ices, and I bet spotty teenagers will be snogging to this for years to come. Ahh, pop music, don't you love it? (Nigel R (the UK one)) I can imagine lovesick 13 year olds across the country listening to this over and over, much as I would have done at that age (my ballad vice then was Corey Hart though...) Secretly quite like this one. (Elisabeth) Sniggered at it for a while, now fond of it as it comforted me through hard times (OK, I cried along it on many a Wednesday lately). (Luca) i hate his pugnacious face on principle, but the production is lush. (noodle) I shouldn't like this song, but I do. The melody is quite catchy and lovely production. (trev!) I imagine it would grow on me if I let it. (Gert) That heartbeat rhythm is very calculated, isn't it? (Amanda) Why do all these 00 artists, none of whom I'm heard of have such completely and utterly UN-show-bizzy names? It's inoffensive. (Junio) This bloke is passing me by. I do hope it stays that way. (Stereoboard) 1993: Exterminate - Snap! (69) diabolical cheap nothingness, and those horrid Enigmaesque pan pipes make me want to scream. (Elisabeth) i may have spent too many nights sitting shitfaced in the corners of tawdry nightclubs daydreaming to this sort of thing (noodle) They are capable of creating better than this, but it's still not too bad. The whole "trance-meets-world-music-fusion" thing did become a little over done, but still nice. (trev!) A bit of drum & bass influence there, and an Enigma flute. Not enough. (David) I can't even dance to this. And I can dance to anything. (Nigel R (the UK one)) Even they sound bored. (Asta) Decade scores so far (after 3 days). 1. The 1980s (11) -- Deely boppers! Red braces! Lacquered black ash! 2. The 1970s (10) -- Anthea Redfern! Curly Wurlys! Decimalisation! 3. The 1990s (9) -- Chris Evans! New age crystals! This Life! 4. The 1960s (8) -- Flower Power! Smashing Time! Simon Dee! 5. The 2000s (7) -- Reality TV! Tate Modern! Kate Thornton! Labels: whichdecade03
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Thursday, February 20, 2003
Church Of Me.
For articulate, considered, perceptive and stimulating criticism of the very highest order, music blogs simply don't come any finer than Marcello Carlin's The Church Of Me. These are lengthy, carefully constructed, thoughtful pieces which might require a bit more time to absorb than the usual hit-and-run web-crack of most blog postings. (Yours excepted, of course. I always make myself a nice cup of tea and get myself comfy before settling down in front of yours.)
Anyway, right now Marcello's on a particular roll, making this the ideal time to get acquainted. On his front page at the time of writing are four superb pieces - which I'm going to cheekily quote from, just to give you a flavour. (Click on the quote to be taken directly to the full article.) Even though I happen to find myself in disagreement with quite a lot of what he has to say.
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No curiosity box this week...
...for obvious reasons (web space being a finite resource and all), so instead, I'm going to offer instructions for a self-assembly box. Unfortunately, this offer does not extend outside the UK, unless you've got an unusally cool local newsagent.
1. Go to local newsagent. 2. Purchase current copy of Mojo magazine. (***) 3. Try not to feel like trendy vicar while doing so. You can always claim you're buying it for your dad. 4. Unpeel covermount CD, which is a compilation of loosely "punk" tunes from past and present. Try not to tear half the back cover off with the sellotape as you do so. You might find this impossible. I know I did. 5. If necessary, stick the torn-off pieces of back cover back on with more sellotape. Tell self that this is all part of the "punk" look of the CD packaging anyway, and is therefore an aesthetic enhancement. 6. Place CD in Home Entertainment System, setting your programmer for the following tracks: 3, 5, 17, 21. 7. Ensure that nobody is likely to disturb you for the next 10-15 minutes or so. 8. Press Play. 9. Leap round room, throwing general "punk" shapes as you do so. Occasional snarling noises optional. Occasional air-punching gestures recommended. Make full use of your imagination and creativity. But don't go knocking any ornaments over. You're only play-acting, remember. This is 2003, not 1978. Prevalent socio-economic conditions have changed! 10. And don't spit. None of the real punks ever spat, you know. Just the tabloid-reading, Gumby-esque Johnny-Come-Latelies. And you don't want to be one of those, do you? 11. ...and exhale. Goodness, wasn't that exhilarating? Give yourself a well-deserved round of applause! 12. Now come back to your screen, and carry on reading. The tracks you have just been listening to are as follows: One Chord Wonders - The Adverts. (1977) Debut single for one of the most underrated of all the original punk bands, who are sadly best known for their most "obvious" song, the unrepresentative Gary Gilmore's Eyes. This captures the spirit of early 1977 to perfection. If intrigued, then try and track down Safety In Numbers, The Great British Mistake, and especially Bored Teenagers. ("Looking for love, or should I say emotional rages, seeing ourselves as strangers...") Ambition - Subway Sect. (1978) Wrongly credited on this CD to lead singer Vic Godard alone, this is quite simply one of the greatest Noo Wave singles ever made. Action Time Vision - Alternative TV. (1978) (Again, the rockin' vicars at Mojo have mis-credited the track to ATV. It's always sad when the attention to detail starts to slip away.) Alternative TV were fronted by Mark Perry, who had risen to prominence as the creator of the punk fanzine, Sniffin' Glue. As such, many people were expecting his band to be punkier than a very punk thing indeed. Instead, Perry was one of the first of the original punk crowd to break away from the already emerging orthodoxies (as sneeringly referenced in their early single How Much Longer?), and to strive for something different. As such, Alternative TV were one of the very first of the "post-punk" bands. This track, while still rudimentary, helps to point the way forward. Another Girl, Another Planet - The Only Ones. (1978) Just in case some of you youngsters have never heard it before. An absolute classic, isn't it? (***) While you're at the newsagents, you might also care to purchase the current issue of Muzik magazine, which has an uncommonly excellent covermount CD compiled by Gilles Peterson. Its self-proclaimed territory is Folk/Funk/Latin/Soul, and there isn't a duff track to be heard. £3.65 wisely invested, if you ask me.
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Which decade is Tops for Pops? (3/10)
Day 3, and we're onto the Number 8 singles for this week in the past five decades.
1963: Don't You Think It's Time - Mike Berry. This was my first encounter with the Mike Berry record (complete with its bizarre "is this really playing at the right speed?" introduction). A certain period-kitsch charm aside, this is essentially a fairly slight, forgettable ditty - except that I have actually begun to find something rather creepy about it. The singer is basically trying to pop his girlfriend's cherry - most likely late at night in a deserted graveyard, by the sounds of it - and is using every sly, manipulative trick in the book to do it. I'm particularly struck by his mention of the church bells, carrying as they do the implicit yet comfortably vague suggestion of future nuptial bliss ahead. Fall for that one love, and you'll fall for anything! Men are pigs! Knee the smarmy bugger in the groin, then keep running and don't look back!1973: Paper Plane - Status Quo. 1983: You Can't Hurry Love - Phil Collins. 1993: How Can I Love You More? - M People. 2003: Reminisce - Blazin' Squad. Listen to a short medley (about a minute each) of all five songs. Status Quo and M People are both acts which are liable to induce automatic groans of withering contempt these days - and yet in the actual years in question, both were seen as breaths of fresh air. Paper Plane was the Quo's big comeback hit, which kick-started the rest of their career. Their brand of boogie had yet to become stale and formularised - we were still a good four years away from the likes of Rockin' All Over The World, Again And Again, and the descent into self-parody. In 1973, the Quo were where it was at, maaan. They were also the first act which K saw live in concert - a fact with which I love to make him squirm (he saw them six times, you know!) Anyway, what I'm saying is this: you have to try not to view the band's early work through the distorting mirror of their later work. The same holds true for Heather "Pineapple Head" Small, Mike "Bad Sax Mime" Pickering, and the rest of the People They Call M. Although it had already grazed the lower end of the Top 40, the reissued and remixed (by Sasha) version of How Can I Love You More? was the band's breakthrough hit - and for a while after that, they were awfully, awfully popular, right across the board. One Night In Heaven, Moving On Up, Renaissance...ah, c'mon, don't tell me you didn't enjoy them at the time? How were we to know that, like the Quo before them, M People were little more than a one trick pony, whose trick would pall even more quickly? It was a good trick while it lasted. That's all I'm saying. Onto Phil Collins, then - the man who was memorably described by Julie Burchill as looking as if he had a stocking placed permanently over his head. Now, this may surprise you, but I loved this single when it came out. There, I've said it. In fact - and despite his many, many heinous crimes against music, and the whole ghastly 1980s mindset which he came to represent - when it comes to Phil, I'm going to have to line myself up with the US hip-hop/R&B community (who even produced a tribute album to the man last year). He Did Some Good Stuff. At his best (and okay, so it wasn't that often), he was capable of producing simple, direct, heartfelt, soulful tunes with great melodies and lovely, musicianly arrangements which were sometimes understated, sometimes funky. He also had the good judgement to make repeated use of the brass section from Earth Wind & Fire, one of the mightiest acts ever to walk the face of the planet. So several plus points for that alone, I reckon. You want examples? I'll give you examples. I Missed Again, I Cannot Believe It's True, If Leaving Me Is Easy (there was a great lover's rock cover of that, by the way), Don't Let Him Steal Your Heart Away, Sussudio...and yes, even his duet with EW&F's Philip Bailey, Easy Lover, which was Number One when K and I first got together. And let's not forget Paperlate and - especially - That's All with Genesis, either. With tunes like those, I can readily forgive him the horrors of Against All Odds, In The Air Tonight (oh LORD!) and Another Day In Paradise. (Well OK - no-one should forgive him for Another Day In Paradise. I'm stretching my point now, aren't I?) So why You Can't Hurry Love? Silly reasons, really. I didn't know the song too well before, and - coming as it did at the height of my I'm-Coming-Out, I've-Got-To-Find-Me-A-Man phase - it struck a chord. In fact, as February and March of 1983 progressed, with their endless rounds of Saturday-night-down-the-club misjudgements and disappointments, it became something of a theme song. It also helped that the song had now been given a fairly sincere sounding male vocal delivery, rather than Miss Ross's dreamily detached rendition of yore. I could, y'know, relate. OK, I know you all still hate it. I've said me piece! Actually, I'm just putting off having to think about Blazin' Squad. Guess what? There's actually a worse record in the current Top 10 than David Sneddon. At least Sneddo means well, in his dull, plodding, sweetly limited way. Whereas the Blazin' Squad's watered-down bastardisation of G-Funk, with its hilarious-if-it-wasn't-so-tragic fake Home Counties Homeboy delivery, is nothing but a crushingly careerist, soul-deadening experience which turns my heart to lead. Must we fling this filth at our pop kids? Besides which, I haven't yet forgiven them for completely wrecking one of my favourite singles of the 1990s, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony's Tha Crossroads. A pox on all your houses, Da Squad! My votes: 1 - Status Quo. 2 - M People. 3 - Phil Collins. 4 - Mike Berry. 5 - Blazin' Squad. K's votes are in the comments box below. Over to you. So far, we've had a winner each from the 1990s and the 2000s. Is it time for one of the earlier decades to take over? Running totals so far - Number 8s. 1983: You Can't Hurry Love - Phil Collins. (108) Such a good song it just doesn't matter who does it. (Stereoboard) Obviously a pale shadow (ba-dum-dum) of the original, but the song's so good even he can't screw it up too much. (Junio) ...sorry, but he murdered a fabulous Supremes song and turned it into white boy pish. (Elisabeth) Twenty years ago this single was bought by the very people who are now running the country. Bland. Bland. Bland. I really do not like covers which don't add to the original version, apart from being sung by a bloke, that is. Even Melanie (Safka) did a better cover of this. (Nigel R (the UK one)) started the 80s trend for shagging the corpse of motown (noodle) 1973: Paper Plane - Status Quo. (99) Sounds really rockin' and good! (Elisabeth) Always had a soft spot for the Quo, and this is a fine example of their very own head-bangin' wall of sound, way back before they became jokes. (Nigel R (the UK one)) Les Battersby (Coronation Street) has ruined Status Quo for me, but I must admit that they were fun and half-decent during this time. (trev!) There really is only one "dance" move possible to this rhythm, isn't there? (Junio) OK, maybe they were new at it then, but it still sounds like the Heebeegeebees' parody Boring Song. (David) not their best song, but I lurve SQ in a non-thinking way. they simply do not take themselves at all seriously. (Gert) noel gallagher hears this at wedding reception, thinks "hey, there's a good idea for my entire bastard career" (noodle) 1993: How Can I Love You More? - M People. (93) I like her voice OK? Plus I'm having problems sleeping at the moment and this is cheaper than Mogadon. Weren't they responsible for Tony Blair though? (Nigel R (the UK one)) Yeah, I bought that album with them on sofas, but can't bear her voice now. (David) Evidence that the nineties are destined to become a decade that taste abandoned. (Steve) ...they're so boring that I get a headache just looking at them. (Elisabeth) 1963: Don't You Think It's Time - Mike Berry. (79) lovely early 60s production and faux-buddy holly vocals. (noodle) Jingly and sweet, but losing points for the Buddy Holly-esqe "a-hey hey"-ing. (Steve) There's a certain cheeky charm to this, I suppose. (Nigel R (the UK one)) 2003: Reminisce - Blazin' Squad. (41) Sounds like the sort of record a football team would release. (Junio) Consider this: The people who have placed this at Number Eight include some of the people who will be running this country in twenty years' time. (Nigel R (the UK one)) I have a soft spot for Blazin' Squad - they smack of E17 x 4 but younger. And, if it's actually possible, less personality, less talent and worse lyrics. And the singing! Just listen to those high notes on Love on the line or Reminisce, slathered with pitch control and reverb to try and get them vaguely on track. It never fails to crack me up. And do they make up those hard poses themselves? Brilliant! Oh, and when we saw them on Top of the Pops once they were all secretly pissing themselves, so at least they know they're rubbish. (Elisabeth) would fail to dampen the knickers of an 11 year old with attention deficit disorder (noodle) Not cuz I'm old, honest - it's just shit. (David) Today's choices were tough - a godawful bunch of dross. To think some people believe that chart positions are a measure of a song's quality... (Ben) Can I vote all five as being 5th equal. I.e. all equally shonky and abysmal? (Lyle) I'd cross the street to avoid hearing all of them. (Asta) This may well be an exciting and historical musical experiment but we've had fifteen songs so far and I can count the number of good ones on one finger. (djg) Labels: whichdecade03
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Wednesday, February 19, 2003
I'm digging on the isotopes, this metaphysics shit is dope...
Via Popjustice: full lyrics to the forthcoming Madonna single, American Life. Keep reading until you get to what must presumably be the "rap" bit towards the end.
D'you think she's, you know, all right?
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Colour images of Russian Life, 1900-1915.
Steve at My Ace Life has been weaving some photographic magic, using...oh sod it, why paraphrase when you can quote direct?
About a year ago I stumbled onto a site which totally blew me away. It was an archive of photographs from the turn of the last century by a Russian photographer, using a little-known colour process. The site had a searchable archive of all the 'negatives', stored as a sequence of three images, each relating to a red, blue and green channel. Using Photoshop, it was simple to extract the three channels and create the full-colour image. The results were absolutely incredible - bringing Russian people, places and buildings from 1900 to 1915 to life in a way that black and white images can't replicate. I agree - the results are quite amazing. Do be sure to click for the enlargements, as well.
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Which decade is Tops for Pops? (2/10)
Day 2 of the project brings us the Number 9 singles for this week in 1963, 1973, 1983, 1993 and 2003.
1963: All Alone Am I - Brenda Lee. After yesterday's rather motley selection of Number Tens, I think you'll agree that the quality rises sharply today - with one glaring exception, that is. I wonder whether anyone will place Rolf Harris any higher than fifth? (The particular problem I have with Rolf: when this was a hit, my hearty, rugger-buggerish, Antipodean line manager at the time - a perfectly nice guy in most ways - thought it was one of the funniest records ever made, and used to wander round the office quoting it and giggling. As I was at the time deeply miserable in my job, I can still never hear the line "How does it affect you blokes?" without shuddering.)1973: Sylvia - Focus. 1983: Wham Rap! (Enjoy What You Do) - Wham! 1993: Stairway To Heaven - Rolf Harris. 2003: Lose Yourself - Eminem. Listen to a short medley (about a minute each) of all five songs. (Apologies for the iffy sound quality on the Brenda Lee, by the way.) Brenda Lee delivers a competent ballad in a suitably plaintive style, but maybe its stock sentiments are just a little bit too run-of-the-mill Tin Pan Alley. Which leaves three great singles with bairly a hair's breadth between them. As a precocious eleven year old, the Focus single blew my little socks off - as did its follow-up, Hocus Pocus. I've even got a copy of their Moving Waves album up in the attic, unplayed since the 1970s. Jan Akkerman and Thijs Van Leer, where are you now? As for Wham Rap! - I bought the original (flop) 12-inch version of this in the summer of 1982, back when Wham! still had considerable lashings of street cred (no, really - they did!) Ever the snooty "I heard them first!" indie kid, I actually thought they "sold out" when Bad Boys was released (with the following year's Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go coming as the final betrayal). But the true classic here has to be Eminem's Lose Yourself - one of his most arresting singles to date, and one of my favourite singles from the past couple of months. I love its epic, widescreen quality, which lifts it above some of his more routine whinings (such as the ultimately annoying Cleaning Out My Closet). My votes: 1 - Eminem. 2 - Wham! 3 - Focus. 4 - Brenda Lee. 5 - Rolf Harris. K's votes are in the comments box below. Over to you. Remember - no tied places, and no omissions. Will Rolf Harris surprise us all, and provide the 1990s with a second consecutive victory? Democracy is a strange and wonderful thing. Running totals so far - Number 9s. 2003: Lose Yourself - Eminem. (110) His politics are appalling, but his skill with rhythms and internal rhymes make him the only white boy who can rap. (Asta) easily his best single after stan. to everybody carping about him being a dickhead - isn't that the point? but the boy can rap. (Noodle) It really is a shame to lose your chance to blow. (Junio) And I was sure the Naughties were crap. (Gert) 1983: Wham Rap! (Enjoy What You Do) - Wham! (87) wham invented rap you know. but they also wore those really thin slipper type shoes with jeans rolled up above their ankles. and had big rubbish hair. when this song was out boys called them poofs (dancing round the totp studios with those 2 beards. paul weller married the black one you know). then suddenly they weren't poofs and the boys that called them poofs were packing into wembley stadium to watch ms michael pull shuttlecocks from under his foreskin. these comments are littered with inaccuracies. sorry. (Dave) Wham! A couple of Dole Boyz from Norff London being cocky and in-yer-face. If you were around in Thatcher's Britain at the time then you'll know they got it exactly right. "So you don't approve? Who asked you to?" Abso-bloody-lutely perfect. (Nigel R (the UK one)) Sorry I can't vote, as I will not listen to Wham. (Peter) 1963: All Alone Am I - Brenda Lee. (77) Heart-broken divas get me crying into my gin and tonic every time. But this is just so run-of-the-mill, the pap churned out by the ton in the early sixties. (Nigel R (the UK one)) 1973: Sylvia - Focus. (71) Sorry Mike, but Focus made me want to tear my headphones off in a rabid frenzy. (Steve) It's no Hocus Pocus is it. (Stereoboard) Insipid stuff to listen to in the hairdressers. (Nigel R (the UK one)) The reason punk rock was invented. (Gert) Come on, anything with that much Hammond Organ MUST be a good thing. (Gordon) 1993: Stairway To Heaven - Rolf Harris. (45) Good idea until all the young trendies insisted it was cool. (Gert) Rolf, I used to love you for Two Little Boys, but now, for this, you are an idiot. (Stereoboard) "All together now.." AARGH!! (Gordon) Labels: whichdecade03
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Quickfire linkage.
1. At Here Inside, Charlie B. tells an agonisingly poignant tale of adolescent desire, which I can strongly relate to. Indeed, as one of his commenters puts it, "I think that most gay people have at least one experience of excruciating ambiguity like this, early in their lives."
2. Via GromBlog - an impressive "links & commentary" site which contains far more than the average share of entertaining and diverting linkage (well, they're nearly all new to me!) - Love Cubes. This is an online rendering of a 1972 photographic project by Martin "Boring Postcards" Parr, in which you have to try and match up the photos of various couples. Having correctly matched a couple on my first attempt, I thought I was going to be really good at this...but I quickly floundered. Interesting if only to giggle at what fashionable young Londoners were wearing in 1972. 3. I'm always grateful for links - but why on earth am I listed here?
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Tuesday, February 18, 2003
You know you're a "proper" weblogger when...
('Scuse me while I go all self-referential and "meta". Yes, again!)
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Now that Google have bought Blogger (I know, I know...big fat yawn...but hang on...stay with me here, please...)
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Which decade is Tops for Pops? (1/10)
Just under a year ago, I did a comparative evaluation of the Top Ten singles from the same week in five different decades, in an attempt to establish which decade was truly Tops for Pops. (Result at the time: the Seventies.) However, it was a bit of a half-baked job, as I didn't actually bother to sit down and listen to each of the songs before making a decision. In fact, I had never even knowingly heard some of the songs that were listed. Disgraceful, I know.
So this year - and to mark the week of my birthday - I'm going to redo the exercise properly. And this time round, I'm also going to invite your participation. This is how it's going to work, then. I've collected together the entire Top 10 singles for this week in 1963, 1973, 1983, 1993 and 2003. Each day for the next ten days, I will be publishing details of the five matching songs which are up for comparison. Thus today, we'll comparing the singles at #10 in each year - tomorrow will be the #9 singles - and so on, up to the #1 singles on the final day. To make things easier, I'll also be posting a short MP3 medley of the five songs in question, containing around a minute or so of each. Your job is to listen to each song (most probably using the medley MP3) and to cast your votes accordingly in the comments box for that day. You'll need to put all five songs in strict order - no tied positions, and no omissions. Even if you loathe all five songs from the bottom of your soul, you're still going to have to order them somehow. Tough, eh? I will then award points to each song accordingly, using the old "inverse points" method. The total for each song will then be added to the cumulative total for each decade, with the favourite getting 5 points, the second favourite getting 4 points, and so on. Thus at the end of the ten days, we'll have a combined comparative total for each of the five decades. That way, we'll know once and for all...which decade is Tops for Pops! Was all that clear enough? It wasn't? Ach, don't worry too much. You'll get the hang of it soon enough. Here we go with Day One, then: the Number 10 singles for this week in 1963, 1973, 1983, 1993 and 2003. 1963: Sukiyaki - Kenny Ball & His Jazzmen. To kick things off (and just in case nobody else decides to have a go, which is entirely possible), here are my own deliberations.1973: Roll Over Beethoven - Electric Light Orchestra. 1983: Oh Diane - Fleetwood Mac. 1993: Sweet Harmony - The Beloved. 2003: Stop Living The Lie - David Sneddon. Listen to a short medley (about a minute each) of all five songs. The turkey of the pile for me is, quite clearly, David Sneddon. The charts have frequently been riddled with winners of TV talent shows in the past - most notably in the Seventies, when Opportunity Knocks and New Faces were in full swing. Berni Flint, Candlewick Green, Showaddywaddy, Sheer Elegance, Lena Zavaroni...these were the true spiritual heirs of Hear'say, Will Young, Girls Aloud and David Sneddon. The only difference now is that TV talent show winners automatically go to Number 1 rather than Number 8. The songs and performances are usually as crummy as ever, though. Both the Fleetwood Mac and the ELO records are exercises in souped-up 1950's nostalgia, but with wildly varying levels of success. Where ELO rock out, symphonically, Fleetwood Mac merely plop along, drippily. Besides which, without Stevie Nicks on lead vocals, Fleetwood Mac are as nothing. The fragment of ELO on this medley doesn't perhaps do the track full justice; a couple of minutes later, the strings are sawing away in full effect, with a rather wonderful Beethoven's Fifth-style melodic counterpoint to Chuck Berry's original song. It's difficult to say much about the Kenny Ball track other than: It's Trad, Dad. Fairly bog-standard trad, at that - but harmless enough. Which leaves The Beloved. Stylistically and subjectively, the Beloved track is the one that's most up my particular street, being all chugging electro-disco. However, I do have to admit that it's not one of their strongest efforts - too simplistic, too few ideas going on. My votes are as follows, then. 1. ELO 2. The Beloved 3. Kenny Ball 4. Fleetwood Mac 5. David Sneddon. (You'll also find K's votes in the comments box below.) Now it's your turn. Let's sort this out once and for all, shall we? [turns and points to camera] Which decade really is...Tops for Pops? Oh, this could be so much fun! [claps hands together repeatedly, in short swift movements] Running totals so far - Number 10s. 1993: Sweet Harmony - The Beloved. (99) i despised the beloved. and a man called adam. professional ibiza'ers. cnuts. (Dave) 1973: Roll Over Beethoven - Electric Light Orchestra. (90) we admire the craft now, but weren't they always just a bit square? (noodle) I have been known to dance to ELO when I'm drunk. (Stereoboard) 1963: Sukiyaki - Kenny Ball & His Jazzmen. (76) Musically, I just have to say that Kenny Ball is the most interesting of the lot. Reminds me of a Brit-sitcom opening theme, which is good (for me). (trev!) simple and feel-good - got me swinging about pretending to be at a House of Elliot fashion collection launch party. (Luca) Thinking about Kenny Ball brings to mind Mike Yarwood and 1970s Saturday night television variety shows. Bland but unobjectionable. (Junio) by the time kenny released this, Ornette Coleman had already recorded Free Jazz. fuck off you bowler hatted buffoons. (noodle) 1983: Oh Diane - Fleetwood Mac. (58) cinq points (prob'ly just my taste for dead-eyed cocaine divorce shiny emptiness) (noodle) The Reynolds Girls were surely thinking of this when they penned "I'd rather Jack". (Steve) I didn't know Fleetwood Mac ever got this bad. (Stereoboard) They wouldn't do very well on Pop Idol with this, would they. (Junio) 2003: Stop Living The Lie - David Sneddon. (37) I've always thought that 'Oh Diane' by Fleetwood Mac was one of the most banal, awful records ever written. Alas for David Sneddon, he rates lower than that. (Diamond Geezer) who *is* this man? The offspring of a night of passion between Ronan Keating and Marty Pellow? - both not my favourite singers. (Luca) SNEDDON? Come on now, if you're going to do that pop star "catch in your voice" thing, you might as well do the pop star "change your name to something not entirely naff" thing too. Perhaps to something cool like Seddon. (He also sounds like he needs new false teeth whenever he sings a word that begins with S.) (Junio) thanks for shitting all over the grave of pop, dave. now go away and take your chartered accountant's name with you. (noodle) None of these songs sound as if they come from the decade they're supposed to. The Kenny Ball track should come from the fifties, the Beloved one sounds as if it was made in the eighties, I suppose the ELO one in combining fifties rock-n-roll with a sixties Beatles sound could only have been made in the seventies, the Fleetwood Mac one has a sixties sound and the David Sneddon one sounds as though it was recorded in the nineties. (Amanda) Labels: whichdecade03
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In the posh restaurant last night.
K: (with earnest enthusiasm) This course is like a Kazuo Ishiguro novel. It can't be taken at face value. You have to read it between the lines.
(Mike grunts in agreement and carries on eating.) (Then pauses, catches himself, puts down his fork and looks up.) Mike: (slowly, deliberately) You do not know what an effort of will it's going to take for me not to put that on the weblog. K: (grinning) Actually, I do sometimes say things in the hope that you'll put them on the weblog. That was one of them. (Collapse of both parties.)
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Monday, February 17, 2003
I are a proper photographist now, are I?
There seems to come a time in the life of every weblogger when - inevitably - you will hear them make the following announcement.
[clears throat, looks around the room] My first submission to The Mirror Project has been accepted. Ta-daaa!
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Owing to a clerical error...
...I suddenly appear to be 41 years old.
Good grief. I demand a re-count. Anyway, I'd like to give a big public THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU, and the warmest of bear-hugs, to Nigel R (the UK one) and Asta, both of whom have sent me CDs from my Amazon wishlist. Both arrived this morning, and both (The Kinks: The Ultimate Collection & Remy Shand: The Way I Feel) are excellent. In stark contrast to last year's epic birthday bash, this year's celebrations will be deliberately low-key. In fact, there aren't any celebrations. Well, it is a Monday after all. Instead, K and I will be having an intimate tete-a-tete in a suitably posh restaurant. Which gives me the chance to wear my brand new Etro shirt for the first time. (No, you can't have a photo. Those days are gone!) In short, I think I've finally reached the "ooh, I don't want anybody to make a fuss, it's only little old me" stage of life. As opposed to the more familiar "I want everybody to LOVE me! And give me loads of PRESENTS! And let me have my own way ALL DAY!" stage of life. Gawd...I'll be asking for gift packs of scented soap next. Or drawer liners. Drawer liners would be nice.
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Aggregator.
Every UK weblog with an RSS feed is now eligible for inclusion on the UKBlogs Aggregator. For the uninitiated, this is a nifty little page which lists all the most recent postings on UK weblogs in reverse chronological order, with links to the articles in question. There is also an RSS feed for the page itself.
If you've set yourself up with an RSS feed and you'd like to be included on the Aggregator, then all you have to do is fill in this simple form. You can also use the same form to get your site listed on the ever-popular Updated UK Weblogs list - something which I do highly recommend. Mainly because it makes it easier for people like me to spot when you've updated your site, as well as saving us all the tiresome bother of paying you periodic visits, just on the off-chance. But also because it will send more traffic your way, and hey - you want traffic, right?
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UK Webloggers Against The War: eye-witness reports of Saturday's demonstrations in London and Glasgow.
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25 favourite posts 2007: the year in blog 2007: the year in mike 25 things to do: before i die 25 things to do: before you die accommodating: the f-word all time: fave singles ambushed: by unexpected emotion apotheosis of blog: 1a / 1b / 1c / 2 / 3 arbeit: macht frei archbishop: sex shop scandal are you: a proper blogger? astrology: hmm (1) (2) autographs: the collection bands which: left me cold battle: of the band aids big nights out: what changed? blending: with the english blogging tips: for newcomers best music: 07 / 06 / 05 / 04 / 03 / 02 / 01 / 00 blogmeets: popular myths dispelled bobbly fruit & pillows: for whom? bob dylan: suggested coping strategies book review: 2005 blogged boutique hotels: never again boutique shag: squint squint squint bridget riley: & wolfgang tillmanns bt vision: diary of horror carnet: parisien celebrity angst: what to do? chino latino: get shum bongo clapped out has been: yes or no? conkers: bonkers! conversation: with an 11 year old cottaging: fond memories crisp sharp edges: k's guest blog cross butts: the aga was a godsend cumberland hotel: i want my apples! daddy: what's sex? dancing the hard house: on beer do ya: think i'm sexy? dreams: of returning duckie: hula hoops & hoo-hahs easter holiday: in numbers emotional tailspin: inner retreat fashion: sexy no-no's famous people: i could be fave albums: of the 1970s flush: of shame future dream: shopping scheme gay partnership rights: blah gay up: me duck general election 2005: 1 / 2 god-man: in the airport grandad's on: the guest list happy happy happy: splurge hi i'm ken: gayest moment ever hiking: to the gate how much: do you WHAT? if wishes: were horses... ...beggars: would ride i have bought: a pedometer!!! if wishes: were horses... inland empire: oh, the agony iPods: feel the love iPods: feel the pain it's time: the tale was told john peel: and the "noble savage" jongleurs: nottingham latvian baywatch interlude: beaver patrol! lit crit: bitch sesh< |