|
Friday, July 18, 2003
100 x 100. 48: Does no-one else remember the horrors of Blue Zone's Jackie? And Rofo's Theme?
There's an exceptionally informative article about this year's Eurovision in The Face (credited to Popbitch) which concludes that Eurovision is now on the cutting edge, that we dismiss it at our peril, and loads of gay men are into it and they're always ahead of the game and that just goes to show, right?
(I've never bought into the " gay men are sooo ahead of their time" thing. Especially the revisionist nonsense which claims that we were first off the starting blocks with House Music. Believe me: we were still cowering from fifth-generation hi-energy residual pigswill well into the Nineties.)
100 x 100. 47: Return of Ver Ninge.
But I digress. Which is difficult when you've only got 100 words to play with.
So where were we?
Oh yeah: indulging in premature nostalgia for this year's Eurovision.
So, it might please you to know that the mighty Vanilla Ninja have released an album, (sadly unavailable outside Estonia), which is all spangly pop-metal-lite daftness. If you're Kazaa-ing, then I recommend Toxic:
I'm boiling water for the tea
I run around and climb the tree
I sometimes draw comic characters
I'm wearing purple rubber boots
I'm drinking lots of apple juice
I do it all because I want to…
Genius!
Update: MP3 now deleted.
100 x 100. 46: Pornonoodletriv.
Vitamin Q. it's "trivia and lists", ergo right up my distinctly anal alley.
Pr0n Admin. A sysadmin bitches about stupid co-workers, in that typical sysadmin way. Except his co-workers all work in the pr0n industry. Fascinating and instructive. You might not want to be his best mate, but that's not always the point, is it? Almost work-safe, but maybe not quite.
Blogpost of the week has to be from noodle vague: The Trap Snaps and That's That. I had loads of adjectives lined up for this, but one shouldn't always over-sell. Besides: he don't want praise, he don't want pity...
100 x 100. 45: chew get meh?
Presenting chew get meh? From Nottingham, so yay! Notts-bloggers In Da House!
Chuckwacka drives taxis, studies Rousseau, and reviews last week's Yo La Tengo gig.
(Stereoboard and I were there too. Excellent, but f***ing roasting. THE RESCUE ROOMS NEEDS AIR-CONDITIONING. Worse than Trade in the old days, and that's saying something. For this reason, we skipped the Butterflies Of Love on Wednesday. Just couldn't face it.)
It's all good, but the taxi-driver stuff is particularly excellent, especially the razor-sharp transcriptions of Nottingham-ese (remember get kokkart?) There's also a dark alter-ego called pelvey - but that, dear reader, is another story.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
100 x 100. 44: Brainspew.
Someone wished that more people blogged their Internal Monologues, or summat.
You ask, you get.
HOW much rain last night? Should have shut that bathroom skylight. HOW much water this morning?
HOW drunk last night? I was back on that bloody podium with Buni, wasn't I? Oh, who cares. Hope Slam rings that chunky guy...
Today's BW post keeps making me giggle. Visions of Mrs. Slocombe etc. Think I'm having a Miss Brahms day: vapid and slightly sour, hahaha.
Kings Of Leon - do we like? Can't decide. "Molly's chambers gonna change your mi-i-ind..."
(What? You thought I was Deep?)
100 x 100. 43: Hey boyfriend, check this out!
K doesn't really Do personal e-mails. He's one of those Strictly For Business Purposes types. It's one part wilful contrariness to one part seething misanthropy.
So when he e-mailed me with an actual LINK, I nearly fainted at my desk. He's never sent me a link before, not never ever ever.
Can you guess what it was?
Clue:
Subject: It is good to...
Text: flush your ducts!
Yup, that's the one. W@nkers of the world rejoice!
I can't wait for the public information campaign. Wonder which celebrities they'll use for endorsements? The smart money has to be on Robbie Williams.
100 x 100. 42: And I thought that this "web design" project would be an Exciting New Challenge...
Swap to mainframe session.
Go to the next screen.
Prt Scrn.
Swap to Paint Shop Pro.
CTRL-V, CTRL-ALT-N.
Crop.
Select the bit you want to highlight.
SHIFT-B, SHIFT-U.
F12.
Shuffle up to where it says .gif.
Type in the screen name.
Swap to Dreamweaver.
Save old page as new page.
Amend the gif name.
Amend the previous/next page navigation code.
Write two or three sentences at the bottom.
CTRL-S.
Swap to IE.
View new page.
If changes/corrections needed, swap to Dreamweaver, amend, CTRL-S, swap to IE, F5.
Repeat entire process.
Again. And again. And again.
Day. After day.
I, robot.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
100 x 100. 41: Honestly, the lengths some people will go to in order to avoid saying "haemmorhoids" "haemorrhoids"...
Now that I've been safely delivered from my bottom-related misery, maybe it's time to put you out of yours. Yes, it's the results of last week's Diva Rhyming Slang competition.
Although all the answers were correctly guessed by at least one of you, nobody managed a perfect score. I'm therefore awarding the prize to the person with the least number of errors.
Chig, will you please step forward.
With just two errors out of a possible 38, you are duly declared the winner. A sumptuously crafted Troubled Diva coffee mug will be winging its way over to you very shortly.
100 x 100. 40: Diva Rhyming Slang - the solution.
(hover over the rhymes for the answers)
Hive been cough James-Burke tick for the mast two maze with a Mad lace of Nobby-Stiles ( shoe, the Michael-Caine!), so I haven't belt Screaming-Lord-Sutch like Noggin. Lorry about that. It also beans that I won't be mowing to Anita-Harris tomorrow, which is a bit of a frame. Still, the Nobby-Stiles are on the U-bend now, so I mustn't crumble.
I rope that this hasn't James-Dean a space of " Scooby-Doo Starsky-&-Hutch meditation" - but I didn't Mary-Quant you to Pink that I'd gone on potatoes. That has never bite been my trial. So don't curry - doubled beaver is still Jackson-Five and licking.
100 x 100. 39: Slime trail.
As it has been far too hot to think about providing original content of my own, I've been...
...wandering through some political blogs, genning up on this week's meeting between bloggers and politicians at the House of Commons, noting Richard Allan's " Adopt an MP" shout-out (wonder if Alan Simpson would like his own blog?), leaving a comment on this post at Samizdata.net (and noting this subsequent comment), and enjoying some well-chosen similes...
... strolling through Olav's mind in the early hours of the morning...
... enduring two sets of neighbours from hell...
... sitting on the bus...
...and scratching my balls.
Join me.
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
100 x 100. 38: Laugh.
I like the inherent fairness behind the weekly Blue Witch Laughed At Me award. The entrance criteria couldn't be simpler: if BW laughs - actually, physically, laughs - then you’re nominated. It's a good leveller.
Two blogposts have made me audibly snort today (prompting my adjacent co-worker to throw me a Funny Look each time – MUST remember that I’m no longer in splendid isolation round here).
1. Sasha's "what if Blair really did have e-mail" screed (there's a long-running campaign at Bloggerheads about this).
2. Faustus MD's ritual suicide at aerobics class.
Did anything make you laugh out loud today?
100 x 100. 37: Compay Segundo, 1907-2003.
 The Buena Vista Social Club never quite did it for me (although, ooh, a-l-m-o-s-t, and God knows I tried) until I saw the film, two weeks ago. All those wonderful old, OLD men, playing the music they loved once again, pitched right back into the prime of their lives (maybe it was all prime?), the years rolled back, the spring in their steps and the life in their eyes...oh, just so life-affirming & inspirational.
Until then, " Compay Segundo" was just some world-music-Amazon-recommendation-we-think-you-OUGHT-to-like-this name to stick on a list. He was ninety-five? I’m astonished. There's hope for us all.
|
