So, I guess you're all 100% word perfect on my archives by now? Right?

Hmmm. I sense a certain shiftiness amongst some of you. In that case, perhaps what's needed is some concrete proof.

Below this post, you will find 120 questions about this site. (For ease of identification, unanswered questions are displayed in red.) All of the answers can be readily found somewhere in my archives. To answer each question, leave your answer in the relevant comments box.

However - and this is crucial - you are only allowed to supply one correct answer each. (And no cheating by inventing false aliases; I have the tools available to spot such skullduggery.)

When - sorry, if - all 120 questions have been correctly answered, by 120 different visitors, I will start blogging once again.

If, on the other hand, the target is never reached, then I will never blog again.

Your shout, people. Joyous collaborative wheeze, or monumental act of hubris? My blogging future is in your hands. Troubled Diva loves interactivity with its readership.

Bonus stunt! If you also feel like attempting the whole quiz, then e-mail me with your answers at mikejla [at] btinternet [dot] com. The first person to answer all 120 questions correctly will win a copy of my Best Tunes Of 2003 triple mix CD.

Total number of unanswered questions:
TEN!
NINE!
EIGHT!
SEVEN!
SIX!
FIVE!
FOUR!
THREE!
TWO!
ONE! OH GOD, THE TENSION, THE TENSION!

ZERO.

Update: The answers have all been collected together here.

1. One afternoon eleven years ago, K and I briefly stepped out of reality and into fiction. What was the fiction?
(answered correctly by Ďan)

2. Why did the Latvian firemen strip down to their pants?
(answered correctly by A Reader)

3. Last summer, our cottage was photographed for a magazine. What is its nickname?
(answered correctly by Hg)

4. Translate the following sentence into Nottingham Gayspeak: "I do not wish to have sexual intercourse with that person."
(answered correctly by Nixon)

5. What is a placket?
(answered correctly by Clair)

6. What word did K add to the ever-growing lexicon of corporate wankspeak?
(answered correctly by Adrian McEwen)

7. What did my grandfather describe as "The Glorification of the Common Man"?
(answered correctly by Missiedith)

8. What was the most stupid thing anyone ever said to me in bed?
(answered correctly by Lyle)

9. What were the first names of the three sassy Swedes in bacofoil and tit tape?
(answered correctly by Zbornak)

10. During the 1980s, what did I call my hideous Trevor Horn glasses?
(answered correctly by Pete Ashton)

11. Complete this expression: Boutique Hotel what Syndrome?
(answered correctly by Martin)

12. What are The Fist, The Screwdriver and The Spasm?
(answered correctly by Debster)

13. Which duo did K and I resemble in the late 1980s?
(answered correctly by gav)

14. Who yanked glitter from her cleavage?
(answered correctly by Sasha)

15. What is Aunt Cyn's full name?
(answered correctly by - well, there's a thing! - Vaughan)

16. What were my five nicknames at school?
(answered correctly by rannie)

17. What nightmarish cleansing product did K invent in his sleep?
(answered correctly by Asta)

18. Which celebrity caused my triumphalist glee to stick in my throat?
(answered correctly by Demian)

19. Who revealed quite the most sumptuous jockstrap I have ever seen?
(answered correctly by David)

20. Over at the cottage garden, what sort of scrumpers was I worrying about?
(answered correctly by qB)

21. While working as a club DJ, which Pet Shop Boys hit cleared my dancefloor?
(answered correctly by Philip Marshall)

22. What word did a little girl from the West Midlands explain to me, to much collective amusement?
(answered correctly by opie)

23. What quote did I have on my sig file, back in the days when putting quotes on sig files was still considered quite a hip thing to do?
(answered correctly by Darren)

24. In which district of which city did I feel like the conspicuous Lonely No-Mates Tourist With The Wandering Eyes And The Slightly Unnerving Haunted Look?
(answered correctly by Sofie (city) and Anna (district) - half a point each, ladies)

25. What was the first (and so far only) CD which I ever chucked in the bin?
(answered correctly by Dizzie)

26. As a prospective leadership candidate for the Conservative Party, I made five promises: national unity, world peace, racial and religious harmony, an end to poverty ...and what?
(answered correctly by londonmark)

27. What colour is my mobile?
(answered correctly by Steve)

28. Where did I witness twelve semi-naked men beating themselves with birch twigs, in a suggestive shamanistic rite?
(answered correctly by Simon)

29. Which is the best Madonna album?
(answered correctly by brittle-lemon)

30. According to K, who does my dancing style most closely resemble?
(answered correctly by Douglas)

31. Which articles of clothing did I remove during Stylistic Tic Eradication Week?
(answered correctly by ionicus)

32. Which decade was voted Tops for Pops?
(answered correctly by Robin)

33. What was the first URL for this site?
(answered correctly by Groc)

34. What name did we give to our Original Design Concept for the cottage?
(answered correctly by Jonathan)

35. What was the final confirmation of the total artistic decline of a once stratospheric talent?
(answered correctly by Kevin)

36. In times of trial, what keeps us (me and K) going?
(answered correctly by tucola)

37. What was the slogan on my favourite Soviet propaganda poster?
(answered correctly by Megan)

38. What song is forever tainted with memories of my bleak daily half-hour trudge?
(answered correctly by thom)

39. Who was Troubled Diva's biggest w@nker?
(answered correctly by Mr.D.)

40. Under what three circumstances may the English legitimately weep in public?
(answered correctly by jo)

41. "What is this bit, Mummy? I can't work it out."
"That's his tummy, darling."
"But it's got all funny lines on it..."
"No darling, that really is his tummy. Come on, quickly now..."
"I know! I know! Why don't we stop and have our picnic here for a change?"
"No darling, I don't think so."

What were we talking about? And which part in particular?
(answered correctly by Blue Witch)

42. Why did K uncharacteristically refuse a beer in Saigon?
(answered correctly by Meg)

43. Which album did I describe as "intensely, physically rhythmic, but subtly, organically so – no oppressive boom-boom-thwackery here!"
(answered correctly by D)

44. Which "ex-gay" organisation left me a comment?
(answered correctly by Elisabeth)

45. What was this site's first ever Google search request? And the second?
(answered correctly by Vicky)

46. If gay men are just plain naughty, and straight men are cautious & practical, what are women?
(answered correctly by Buni)

47. Which event promised "handbag throwing competitions for boys, and flat-pack assembly competitions for the girls, as well as tea and cakes at the bandstand" ?
(answered correctly by Sarah)

48. What was missing from my game consommé?
(answered correctly by Céline)

49. Divide these people into their two respective groups: David Blaine, Jeremy Clarkson, Angus Deayton, David Furnish, David Hasselhof, Terry Wogan.
(answered correctly by Amanda)

50. What was the name of the "camp stereotype" who I played on stage?
(answered correctly by Ben)

51. Who wore a flouncy black smock over skin-tight lycra leggings tucked into Doc Marten boots?
(answered correctly by El Tony)

52. What allegedly encourages an elitist, hierarchical mindset, fosters competitiveness, envy and bitterness, and blurs the line between popularity and intrinsic merit? (Hint: a year later, I had rather changed my tune on this.)
(answered correctly by noodle)

53. "I can still see all the second year Humanities girlies bopping about to this with Gay Abandon. I was always standing on the sidelines, scowling. It's not going on the shortlist."

To which single was K referring?
(answered correctly by brian w)

54. Who did I describe as having "the face of someone who has been to Hell and back, and come up smiling"?
(answered correctly by Nico)

55. Which Michelin starred restaurant served us Earl Grey milkshakes and cinnamon doughnuts?
(answered correctly by Courtenay)

57. To what are today's up-for-it teenage lesbians mostly dancing?
(answered correctly by Trixie)

58. Which country's Eurovision performance provoked an unseemly outbreak of Boyband Finger Jabbing Brit Shame?
(answered correctly by Vasquesz)

59. What elevates booze above all the others?
(answered correctly by Serious Trains)

56. What was the final item in the Troubled Diva Old Curiosity Box?
(answered correctly by kate)

60. "Ooh, I could live with that one, Maureen."
"They're quite textural, aren't they?"
"Well I'm sorry, but that's just a bidet and a urinal."

Whose work was being described, and where was it on display?
(answered correctly by Alex M)

61. How many Ben Sherman shirts featured in the Shirt Off My Back Project?
(answered correctly by Miffy)

62. When did Troubled Diva become a dot com?
(answered correctly by quarsan)

63. Which nice celebrities obliged K's auntie with an impromptu 60th birthday card?
(answered correctly by dave spellcnut)

64. What was awkward, stroppy, pissed-off, cryptic, confusing, mocking, self-obsessed and just plain daft?
(answered correctly by Valette)

65. Which celebrity do I regularly dream about, despite having scant interest in his work?
(answered correctly by Jen)

66. What is POR?
(answered correctly by geoff)

67. What was the title of the second album by my fantasy post-punk art-rock band?
(answered correctly by Adrian Sevitz)

68. In Sierra Leone, what do they call the clitoris?
(answered correctly by Karen)

69. What musical act comprised one masked skinny lad in teensy-weensy red rubber shorts; one masked skinny lad in high heels, teensy-weensy black panties, and clip-on braces attached to his stocking tops; and one rather sweet-looking chunky skinhead in a yellow rubber one-piece that could only be described as "unforgiving"?
(answered correctly by Gina Snowdoll)

70. On which island did Danny meet the Spritzer?
(answered correctly by Pam)

71. In Paris, who came on like a kind of Weimar Biba Andrews Sister?
(answered correctly by Complex)

72. In the duck world, which breed are the oppressors and which breed are the oppressed?
(answered correctly by Pix)

73. Percentage-wise, how gay am I?
(answered correctly by Maddy)

74. "Troubled Diva - the blog that the STARS read!"
Specifically, which two stars?
(answered correctly by Todd)

75. With which weblog was I pitched into direct competition, in a "Which Is The Best Blogger" poll?
(answered correctly by Zed)

76. What film did I walk out of, after less than an hour?
(answered correctly by christophe)

77. When did I get my 10,000th visit?
(answered correctly by Hanni)

78. Who played my favourite gigs of 2001, 2002 and 2003?
(answered correctly by Jaq)

79. What comes next?

(answered correctly by Dave)

80. What was described as "superficial, pretentious, over-priced, and very slightly past its peak"?
(answered correctly by Todd)

81. What replaced the thick, ugly snowberry hedge?
(answered correctly by kelvingreen)

82. One is the political journalism equivalent of the Devil having all the best tunes; the other feels like a homework assignment. What are they?
(answered correctly by Ripley)

83. What was the proudest achievement of my cricket career?
(answered correctly by plumpernickel)

84. What were my debut words on national television, and to whom were they addressed?
(answered correctly by dissonans)

85. What combination did I finger as "that deadly embrace of semi-catatonic inertia"?
(answered correctly by Dave)

86. Troubled Diva temporarily changed its design on two occasions in 2003. The first occasion was satirical; the second was an act of solidarity. Solidarity with what?
(answered correctly by Pete)

87. Complete the following sequence: bewildering, exciting, fantastic, routine...
(answered correctly by Edward O)

88. According to Danny, what is the golden rule of the Birmingham gay scene?
(answered correctly by Darren)

89. What linked Metallica, The Backstreet Boys and William Blake?
(answered correctly by Joe)

90. My most loved and most hated UK Number One singles of all time were made by the same act. Which act?
(answered correctly by James)

91. How much did I win for saying ten words on telly?
(answered correctly by Stuart)

92. Which Mike is the oldest, and which Mike is the newest?
(answered correctly by gwplf)

93. Amongst those who voted, what was the most popular song in the Which decade is Tops for Pops project? And the least favourite?
(answered correctly by Alyson Tamara Guard)

94. Which television personality saved me from Care Bear Hell?
(answered correctly by Cathy)

95. What was the last film I saw as a single man?
(answered correctly by Amy Frew)

96. What (somewhat embarassingly) - was my 14th favourite single of 1983?
(answered correctly by Elsie)

97. What were the titles of my two Installation Art pieces?
(answered correctly by Caomhin)

98. What did we call our Footballer's Wife?
(answered correctly by Ruth)

99. In which city did Danny lose his coat check ticket?
(answered correctly by Alan)