| The 40 In 40 Days Project. | ||
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10. The Heterosexual Phase (1974) |
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The Au Pairs |
It has often
been suggested that some boys in the early stages of adolescence go
through a “phase” of being attracted to members of the same sex.
This may or may not be a valid proposition, but I do know that for me,
the same thing happened in reverse. Yes - for about a year or so, around
the age of 12, I went through a phase of fancying girls. There were three main objects of my
affection: Firstly, the headmaster’s daughter
(preferably in her squash kit, as I recall) – a reserved, slightly
distant, slightly aloof figure. Secondly, one of my sister’s
classmates: the beautiful Melanie, with her long straight black hair,
dark eyes, and an air of elusive mystery. She made it quite clear that
she had no interest in me, and I would spend long periods of time pining
over her – and rather enjoying the unrequited sense of melancholy this
provided. Thirdly, Paula Wilcox, in her role as
Chrissy in the ITV sitcom “Man About The House”. A character who was
resolutely impossible to seduce, no matter how hard Richard
O’Sullivan’s character tried each week. Can you see the key element which links
these three together? Of course you can: unattainability. For if any
girl at the time had actually shown an interest in me, I would have
probably expired with embarrassment. Unattainability meant there was no
threat – nothing I needed to follow through. Safety. There was just the one snog though. The
only time I have ever snogged a girl, in fact. In truth, it barely even
counted. She informed me beforehand that this was just to be a rehearsal
session, to prepare herself for the boy up the road who she really
fancied. I was the guinea pig, in other words. Strange that afterwards I
never snogged a girl again. The girl in question went on to have a
successful career as a comedy actress, in both television and film. She
is particularly well known for her supporting role in a long running and
very popular sitcom – ironically enough, given my early crush on Paula
Wilcox. I have picked up the rather irritating habit of saying to K,
whenever I see her on screen, “Ooh look, there’s The Only Girl I
Ever Snogged!” And then I went away to an all-male
boarding school. The heterosexual phase came to an abrupt end. Funny,
that. |