11. The Lifestyle Switch (2000)

Main Index

The Au Pairs
The Step-stepfather
The Simulated Wank
The Toy Store
The First Single
The Queeny Put-Down
The First Hissy Fit
The First Gay Club
The Rent Boy
The Heterosexual Phase
The Lifestyle Switch
The Empty Floor
The First Poem
The Amsterdam Weekend
The First Time
The Perfect Moment
The Year In Berlin
The Trade Years
The First Memory
The Anniversary Party
The Incompetencies
The Pricking Of The Bubble
The Club Residencies
The "Tales of the City" House
The Musical Epiphany
The Worst Thing I Ever Did To Anyone
The Royal Procession
The Parental Disclosure
The Concept Albums
The Romantic Obsession
The Failure
The Apotheosis of Queer
The Shove From Above
The Interrogation
The Professional Rut
The Rebirthday
The First Boyfriend
The "Catharsis Of Joy"
The Funeral Address
The Falling In Love

troubled diva

We are being very picky with estate agents’ details – very picky indeed. Eventually, we settle on two properties to visit. Coincidentally, they are both in the same village, just the other side of Ashbourne, and just inside the Peak District national park. We arrange to see both on the same evening.

The first cottage is absolutely delightful. It is everything we were looking for. The vibe is just right. We cannot believe our luck – the first place we see, and it’s perfect. We make suitably enthusiastic noises to the owners, and depart, buzzing with excitement. However, as we have arranged to see the other property in the village, we think it only fair to keep our appointment.

The second cottage is, unbelievably, even more perfect than the first. It is an amazing, magical place, with an immediate and irresistible emotional pull to it. In particular, it has a huge kitchen which, once you enter it, you never want to leave again. We leave for Nottingham with our heads buzzing, in a state of stunned incredulity.

The second cottage it is, then. One more visit, an offer, some wrangling over the price, and that’s that. The current occupants won’t be ready to move out until around the beginning of November – we’re happy to wait.

Meanwhile, I have been looking forward to Trade’s 10th anniversary party in London, which I have been planning to attend for months. My Trade days are basically behind me now – the last time I was there, in February 2000, the night had turned sour and I had realised I’d reached the end of the road with the club. Nevertheless, the 10th birthday party is an event that I just can’t miss. I have been visiting Trade since late 1994, and it has been an important part of my life for most of that time. I just want to pay homage to all the amazing, wild times I’ve had down there.

The completion date is set for the first Friday in November. Well, guess what? Trade’s 10th is scheduled for the very same weekend! The symbolism of this is not lost on me.

And so it comes to pass that on the Friday, we spend our first night in our new cottage, which feels like home from the very first minute we walk through the door. The next evening, I take the train down to London, and check into a hotel within walking distance of the club. Around 7.00 the next morning, I get up, put my clubbing gear on, have a cup of tea, check out, stroll down the road, and wander into Turnmills. At the bottom of the stairs, I open the door and enter the mayhem. All the old faces, all the old tunes, all the old atmosphere. I have the most fantastic time, knowing full well that I will never be returning there again, and feeling completely OK about it.

I’m explaining all this to someone I’ve never met before, slap bang in the middle of the main dancefloor. He smiles, nods, and gives me the word I was looking for. Closure.

Another chapter begins.

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